Commitment

I will treasure my sadness like a rare bird. A bird with dark feathers and a sharp beak. My sadness flies with the crows. I will treasure my sadness like a crow. I am huddled inside its dark soft cool wings. My sadness casts a mighty shadow. The other day, I heard the sound of crow’s wings for the first time. I was in a forest so silent as if on another planet. A murder of crows was gathered across from me on the other side of a small creek. They were a beautiful shiny black. Suddenly they took flight, one after the other.  I could hear the air rushing through the filigrane bones and thick weave of feathers that made up their mighty wings. It was a hushed and powerful sound. I now know it was the sound that my sadness makes when it takes flight. 

I will walk with my sadness and hold it close to my heart. I will not abandon it. I will cherish its quiet solemn beauty. I will hold its salty hand. I will caress it delicately with the soothing ebb and flow of my breath. I will keep it safe and sound inside my aching heart. I will carry my sadness with me like a talisman, a treasured gift protected by my rib cage. My sadness will never be alone. 

I will not fear my sadness any longer. I will love it unconditionally, the way I love my child. I will not try to change it. I will plant it in the fertile black soil of my heart and wait patiently as it grows.

7.25.20