Monday, August 22, 2011

"People Are Leaving"

One of the big reasons I feel compelled to write is because of loss. There has been a tremendous amount of loss in our close circle of friends and family this past year. As my best friend, the former Hospice Counselor, likes to say: it's all about grief, man! She would know, because she's been through a shitload of losses if I may say so. Some of what you will be reading here will be my way of dealing with loss - recent, raw, and old, scarred, nonetheless deep, part of me forever. This blog really is about life, death, and everyday insanity.

There really is only one choice: life or death. Nothing in between. Decide now!  And be willing to pay the price.

More on this later.

First, here is a poem I wrote after a recent tragic loss in our community, which you will read about more in here, because I simply have to write about it.

Morning (Mourning)

This is where I want to stay
Wrapped in soft sheets
Surrounded by warmth
And silence
And luminous darkness
Except for the involuntary ebb and flow
Of air moving through me
I am not breathing
I am simply a receptacle
Made from soft tissue
Bone, and water
I have no will of my own
I am but a witness
To the steady pounding of my heart
As if listening
To a stranger's conversation
Through a closed door
Wondering what it means
But not really needing to know
The answer.

"And we're finally here! And shit yeah, it's cool!"

"And shouldn't it be... or something like that..." Ok, Guided By Voices references aside, this is my first official blog entry! Strangely, I have joined the ranks of virtual writers. What is my intent, you may ask? And what the hell does it have to do with Guided By Voices, an oddball cult indie rock band (although they would despise this label, and rightfully so!) from Dayton, Ohio? Well, I've been a writer since about age 6, when I composed whimsical poems about clouds in German with the help of my father (I am German, by the way, born and raised - and not some multilingual child prodigy). And I have been a fan of Guided By Voices ever since I first heard "Bee Thousand" on a C90 tape recorded by a friend and sent to me and my husband (aka The Lord of Overstock) when we were living in Hamburg, Germany, back in 1994, many years before we had any inkling of becoming the responsible and respectable parents of a 12 year old that we are these days (cue laugh track now). Back in 2006 or so, The Lord of Overstock and I formed a GBV cover band, Exit Flagger, together with our dear friend, aka The Official Iron Man. You can still find traces of us on My Space, this now almost defunct social networking site for Soft Rock Renegades and other Hot Freaks. So GBV has been part of my life for a long time, although not quite as long as writing. I was born into a family of writers. My grandfather published his own highly opinionated pro-aristocrat newspaper back in the early 1900's in Germany, my father was editor-in-chief of the Funny Papers back in the 1920's, and later went on to write for broadcasting, aside from self-publishing poetry - and my mother knew she was going to be a writer from the day she could hold a fountain pen; starting by writing the beginning, the middle and the end of many a story when she was little - keeping it to the key parts and doing away with all the extraneous crap... she later became the co-editor-in-chief of Germany's largest women's magazine, and published many short stories and novels along the way. So, writing is in my genes, I guess. And it's always been my favorite way of keeping from jumping off a cliff. So here we are. We're finally here, and shit yeah, it's cool! I have many reasons to write. And you're just going to have to listen.